Dec. 3 Topic: What is friendship?
For inspiration for tonight's topic I pulled out Socrates Café again. Christopher Phillips has a chapter called "Friends" in which he discusses friendship with the random collection of strangers that show up for his Cafes and recounts his and their comments on the topic. It is a wide ranging discussion that covers friendship with ones self, with a single other person, with groups of people, and more. In my copy it starts on page 90, if you want to review the chapter before our meeting.
It seems to be a sort of common sense topic, where we all must share a common definition of friendship, right? A friend is, ...? What? How might it be defined? Is "friend" someone you know along a continuum of contact and comfort somewhere between being an acquaintance and someone you love? Or is friendship something else, something not necessarily related to love? Look up the definition of friendship and you will find all sorts of answers, some that might apply to our discussion, and some that do not.
In the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" (made famous for the scene in the diner when the woman says, "I'll have what she's having."), the author uses an unusual interview convention to introduce the audience to couples telling stories about when they met, and when they fell in love. The couples mostly have a very clear point they both can point to where the love part happens, separate from the friends part. The term "falling in love" is used. Scientists study what goes on inside our brains when we fall in love, if you want took up those sorts of things. But I digress.
Back to friendship. If we were to pull together a Venn diagram to categorize everyone we know, and have circles containing those we know only slightly, those with whom we would call ourselves acquaintances, those with whom we are friends, and those whom we love, who would be in which circles? What are the criteria we use to put people into these circles, and what happens to move someone from one to another? Are other circles needed to define other sorts of relationships? Those we want to get to know better? Those we know but want to be separated from? Those we hate? Relationships can be complex. Read Ask Amy in the paper every day and you will know what I'm talking about.
And finally, a connection to the season. The miserable life that Scrooge lives is made worse by his being apart and separate from all those people with whom he might have been friends, and only when he does finally join in friendship with everyone around him does he find personal happiness. Is the pursuit of friendship in broad community the ultimate purpose of our lives?
Additional Info:
If you Google friendship there is a host of information available. For example, one site suggests there are 4 levels of friendship. 1) Acquaintance, 2) Peer Friend, 3) Good Friend, and 4) Best Friend. This seems to acknowledge that we all feel differing levels of closeness to certain of our friends. We might want to work on ways to define or identify the characteristics of each of these levels, and yes, I feel a Venn diagram coming on.
Another site suggests there are 3 kinds of friends. 1) Friends of utility: this exists between you and someone who is useful to you in some way. 2) Friendships of pleasure: this exists between you and those whose company you enjoy. 3) Friendships of the good: these are based on mutual respect and admiration.
So, whether kinds of friendships interests you, or levels of friendship, or the 15 ways to tell if someone is really your friend, there are many ways we can get at this topic.