Meditations on a New Year

 Meeting Date:  January 7, 2022  7:00 pm

I ran across the following writing in a book on meditations by Robert Walsh.  (The link to the info is below).  As it touches on a couple of my favorite topics, which are 1) everything we do in life matters, somehow and in ways we often cannot know, and 2) the meanings of our lives arise from the summation of our connections and relationships, especially with ourselves, but also with everyone we ever come into contact with.  

The story told here is an elegant way of getting at these same concepts, and includes the idea that we have control of those relationships.  Taking stock of where we are in our life's story at the start of a new year is a good idea, but taking stock continuously, every day, makes just as much sense.  

I often tell my golfing partners that the most important conversation they will have during the round is the one they will have with themselves.  I've played with people who swear at themselves over a disappointing shot, and others that take it all in stride.  Who has the better conversation, and who ultimately enjoys the day more?  Six months from now I doubt I will remember our scores, but I will certainly remember your attitude when we played, and how much fun we had together.  It pays to think about such things.

It Matters

I knew a man who had printed on his stationery this proverb: "Nothing is settled.  Everything matters."  It established a certain ambiance for reading his letters, as if to say:  what you are about to read is to be taken seriously, but is not final.

I remember him and his proverb sometimes, especially when it seems impossible to change the world or myself in any significant way.  Times like the beginnings of new years.

"Sorry, Jim," I say.  "It's not true that nothing is settled.  In the past year choices have been made, losses have been suffered, there has been growth and decay, there have been commitments and betrayals.  None of that can be undone.  A year ago no one knew whether during this year one person would become pregnant, another would get cancer, another would take a new job, another would have an accident, but now it is all settled.

"One day this year I was present just when someone needed me, another day I was busy doing something else when I was needed.  One day I said something to a friend that injured our relationship, another day I said something that enabled a person to see life in a new way.  The best and the worst of those days is now written.  All my tears, of joy and sorrow, cannot erase it."

If I stay with my meditation long enough the reply comes. "Robbie," says Jim, "You have misunderstood the proverb.  It is true that you cannot escape the consequences of your actions or the chances of the world.  But what is not settled is how the story turns out.  What is not settled is what the meaning of your life will be."

The meaning of a life is not contained within one act, or one day, or one year. As long as you are alive the story of your life is still being told, and the meaning is still open. As long as there is life in the world, the story of the world is still being told. What is done is done, but nothing is settled.

And if nothing is settled, then everything matters. Every choice, every act in the new year matters. Every word, every deed is making the meaning of your life and telling the story of the world. Everything matters in the year coming, and, more importantly, everything matters today.

Source: "Noisy Stones: a Meditation Manual"

 

Impossible Questions

 A participant to BQ sent me a list of "Impossible Questions" that we may want to consider for our discussion forum.  Most of these look like questions we have discussed before, but perhaps not in the same phrasing as posed below.  Still, they seem current and important topics to discuss.  Let's pick one and see where it goes.

• Does fate exist?
• Does an ideal government exist?
• Does life have a reason?
• Are there limitations on free speech?
• Are we a minuscule part of intelligent life in the universe?
• Does free will exist, or is every action predetermined?
• What is human consciousness?
• Why do we do things we do not like to do?
• Do atheists make their own gods?
• Can artificial intelligence be creative?
• If judgment is for God, why do we pass judgment?
• Can religious beliefs affect scientific thinking?
• Will a world without reliance on modern technology make any progress?
• Is human potential capable of anything?
• Is death a new beginning?
• Why does God not intervene when evil takes root in people?
• Does belief make God exist?
• Will robots take over the world in the future?
• Does the path to salvation lie within us?
• Are beliefs and superstitions the same?
• Are we the biggest threat to humanity?
• Do parallel universes exist?
• How does one find purpose in life?
• If aliens attack, what will we do?

What is friendship?

Dec. 3 Topic: What is friendship?

For inspiration for tonight's topic I pulled out Socrates Café again.  Christopher Phillips has a chapter called "Friends" in which he discusses friendship with the random collection of strangers that show up for his Cafes and recounts his and their comments on the topic.  It is a wide ranging discussion that covers friendship with ones self, with a single other person, with groups of people, and more.  In my copy it starts on page 90, if you want to review the chapter before our meeting.

It seems to be a sort of common sense topic, where we all must share a common definition of friendship, right?  A friend is, ...?   What?   How might it be defined?  Is "friend" someone you know along a continuum of contact and comfort somewhere between being an acquaintance and someone you love?  Or is friendship something else, something not necessarily related to love?  Look up the definition of friendship and you will find all sorts of answers, some that might apply to our discussion, and some that do not.

In the movie, "When Harry Met Sally" (made famous for the scene in the diner when the woman says, "I'll have what she's having."), the author uses an unusual interview convention to introduce the audience to couples telling stories about when they met, and when they fell in love.  The couples mostly have a very clear point they both can point to where the love part happens, separate from the friends part.  The term "falling in love" is used.  Scientists study what goes on inside our brains when we fall in love, if you want took up those sorts of things.  But I digress.

Back to friendship.  If we were to pull together a Venn diagram to categorize everyone we know, and have circles containing those we know only slightly, those with whom we would call ourselves acquaintances, those with whom we are friends, and those whom we love, who would be in which circles?  What are the criteria we use to put people into these circles, and what happens to move someone from one to another?   Are other circles needed to define other sorts of relationships?  Those we want to get to know better?  Those we know but want to be separated from?  Those we hate?  Relationships can be complex.  Read Ask Amy in the paper every day and you will know what I'm talking about.

And finally, a connection to the season.  The miserable life that Scrooge lives is made worse by his being apart and separate from all those people with whom he might have been friends, and only when he does finally join in friendship with everyone around him does he find personal happiness.  Is the pursuit of friendship in broad community the ultimate purpose of our lives?

Additional Info:

If you Google friendship there is a host of information available.  For example, one site suggests there are 4 levels of friendship.  1) Acquaintance,  2) Peer Friend,  3) Good Friend,  and 4) Best Friend.  This seems to acknowledge that we all feel differing levels of closeness to certain of our friends.  We might want to work on ways to define or identify the characteristics of each of these levels, and yes, I feel a Venn diagram coming on.

Another site suggests there are 3 kinds of friends.  1) Friends of utility:  this exists between you and someone who is useful to you in some way.  2) Friendships of pleasure:  this exists between you and those whose company you enjoy.  3) Friendships of the good:  these are based on mutual respect and admiration.

So, whether kinds of friendships interests you, or levels of friendship, or the 15 ways to tell if someone is really your friend, there are many ways we can get at this topic.

Stoicism as a way to cope

 How do we navigate the modern world without becoming too tied up with what is going on?  The stoics held themselves aloof from most issues, and developed a philosophy of keeping a calm exterior and holding the internal mayhem inside so people could not see it.  

There are famous Greeks who promoted the stoic viewpoint and have many books written about it.  Does one of them resonate with you?

What Are Your Love Languages?

Meeting:  Nov. 5:   At the Oct. 22 meeting this topic was suggested for our next meeting.  I pointed out that this was not a Socratic sort of question, but after so many years of doing Meaning of Life discussions, I'm ready for a change now and then.  The discussion will be lead not by me, but by the person suggesting it, so I offer a brief summary of the topic as I understand it, and provide links to additional websites that might help to shed light on it.

If you Google tonight's topic you will find offers for books of essentially that title, free and paid websites that promote and explore it, and much, much more.  Spreadsheets that show you how to communicate, what actions to take, and what to avoid when pursuing the 5 languages.  You can take a quiz that will show you what your personal love language is.  And much, much more.  (It was suggested that we all take the quiz before the meeting, to get some personal baseline information about ourselves.)

The 5 languages are (by most accounts): 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Physical Touch, 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Receiving Gifts.  These short, categorical statements hint at far larger topics that will be explored during our discussion time, revealing the inner workings of your personality in this very important field of your life. You may end up adding the vocabulary and perspectives to develop and improve any areas where you may feel deficient.

Or maybe not.  What do I know?  

Note the date:  November 5.

Calendar Changes

 As we move into the 2021 holiday season and we were all checking our calendars, it was clear that a 2nd and 4th Friday schedule for Big Questions was not going to work.  Therefore, we are switching to a 1st and 3rd Friday schedule for November and December this year.  So far I only have 1 topic identified, and this posting will follow shortly, but please note the change in the dates.

Getting to know you...

I pulled out my copy of "Socrates Café" by Christopher Phillips for inspiration for tonight's discussion topic.  If you have not added this book to your library, you should.  It is a well written book on many philosophical topics, and it presents the information in a very accessible way.  

Socrates famously said, "Know thyself", which has been expanded into, "An unexamined life is not worth living."  Phillips has a short section titled, "Know thyself at thine own risk", in which he recounts an evening's discussion with Café attendees on this very topic.  One attendee contends that a person can really only come to know who they genuinely are while in some kind of crisis.   Everyday living, he says, does not give us the insight we needed to know who we fundamentally are.   Phillips counters that it would be necessary for the group to agree on a workable definition of crisis, if this were true, and perhaps everyday life provides many sorts of crises that could provide the insight needed.  

In the back of my mind I'm thinking that there are certainly life-changing crises we face not on a daily basis, but perhaps only several times in our lives, that put who were are to the test, in some way.  In other words, I like the basic idea of a "crucible of fire" sort of crisis revelation of who we fundamentally are, but is that the only way it might happen?  Don't we learn about ourselves without crisis?  Or are we simply  not paying attention?

Do you know who you are?   Are you living your life in harmony with your inner self?  This line of thinking evokes the Becoming and Being discussions we have had in the past.  Become who you are.  Life is a process of Becoming, with the goal of eventually Being, or living in harmony with your genuine self.  

How do you get to the point where you know who you are?  Philosophy, of course.