What Are Your Love Languages?

Meeting:  Nov. 5:   At the Oct. 22 meeting this topic was suggested for our next meeting.  I pointed out that this was not a Socratic sort of question, but after so many years of doing Meaning of Life discussions, I'm ready for a change now and then.  The discussion will be lead not by me, but by the person suggesting it, so I offer a brief summary of the topic as I understand it, and provide links to additional websites that might help to shed light on it.

If you Google tonight's topic you will find offers for books of essentially that title, free and paid websites that promote and explore it, and much, much more.  Spreadsheets that show you how to communicate, what actions to take, and what to avoid when pursuing the 5 languages.  You can take a quiz that will show you what your personal love language is.  And much, much more.  (It was suggested that we all take the quiz before the meeting, to get some personal baseline information about ourselves.)

The 5 languages are (by most accounts): 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Physical Touch, 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Receiving Gifts.  These short, categorical statements hint at far larger topics that will be explored during our discussion time, revealing the inner workings of your personality in this very important field of your life. You may end up adding the vocabulary and perspectives to develop and improve any areas where you may feel deficient.

Or maybe not.  What do I know?  

Note the date:  November 5.

Calendar Changes

 As we move into the 2021 holiday season and we were all checking our calendars, it was clear that a 2nd and 4th Friday schedule for Big Questions was not going to work.  Therefore, we are switching to a 1st and 3rd Friday schedule for November and December this year.  So far I only have 1 topic identified, and this posting will follow shortly, but please note the change in the dates.

Getting to know you...

I pulled out my copy of "Socrates Café" by Christopher Phillips for inspiration for tonight's discussion topic.  If you have not added this book to your library, you should.  It is a well written book on many philosophical topics, and it presents the information in a very accessible way.  

Socrates famously said, "Know thyself", which has been expanded into, "An unexamined life is not worth living."  Phillips has a short section titled, "Know thyself at thine own risk", in which he recounts an evening's discussion with Café attendees on this very topic.  One attendee contends that a person can really only come to know who they genuinely are while in some kind of crisis.   Everyday living, he says, does not give us the insight we needed to know who we fundamentally are.   Phillips counters that it would be necessary for the group to agree on a workable definition of crisis, if this were true, and perhaps everyday life provides many sorts of crises that could provide the insight needed.  

In the back of my mind I'm thinking that there are certainly life-changing crises we face not on a daily basis, but perhaps only several times in our lives, that put who were are to the test, in some way.  In other words, I like the basic idea of a "crucible of fire" sort of crisis revelation of who we fundamentally are, but is that the only way it might happen?  Don't we learn about ourselves without crisis?  Or are we simply  not paying attention?

Do you know who you are?   Are you living your life in harmony with your inner self?  This line of thinking evokes the Becoming and Being discussions we have had in the past.  Become who you are.  Life is a process of Becoming, with the goal of eventually Being, or living in harmony with your genuine self.  

How do you get to the point where you know who you are?  Philosophy, of course. 

Alternate Endings to SWSOSWG

 As we discussed last week, Kay and Cyril's plans might have gone off as they envisioned, but maybe things didn't work out perfectly.  The several possible futures presented in the story offer utopia and dystopia alternatives, but certainly not a full range of possibilities.

I would like to suggest that we all come with a short story or 2 that extends the range of possible unanticipated futures that Kay and Cyril might have found at the age of 80, or sooner, that could have affected their decision to carry through with their Suicide Pact.  How else might things have happened on Kay's 80th?  What if Kay did not notify her daughter of their plans?  What if they both stage a fake suicide, but in fact they survive and run off with new identities.  What if Cyril gets cancer earlier than they planned, and suffers terribly for it?  Or any other possible scenario you might think of.  

Once we have something to share, drop a copy into the comments for everyone to see, or send it to me (if you have written something) and I can share it with the Usual Participants ahead of the meeting date.

Thanks for your thoughtful participation.

Here is a story ending submitted by Judy.  Another called Harmony, also by Judy.

Here is an overview, and an alternate ending by Des.

And a new ending by Vickie.

Note:  I have disabled all links in this blog as of 10/11/21, for safety and security reasons.  Please contact me directly in the comments below if you want to have access.

Does living our lives without preparation make sense?

A book was recommended to me, called Should We Stay or Should We Go (no question mark, for some reason).  The Author is Lionel Shriver, copyright 2021.  It is a story about Cyril and Kay in the UK who look into the future and decide that the risks are too great that they will spend their Golden Years in complete dotage with dementia or cancer, or worse, and decide to call it quits at age 80 (looking forward from age 51).  This is driven by dealing with their parents who did actually have dementia and cancer, and worse, and suffered terribly, and were a burden on the British Health System for many years.  Watching them in decline was a big deal for Kay and Cyril, and they made a Pact not to go down that path themselves.

The book poses a series of alternate possible futures for the 2 heroes, some that are better than expected, and some that are worse.  In one possible future Kay takes the pills and dies, and Cyril lives on, but has a stroke that paralyzes him and relegates him to a bed for many years, helpless and a total drain on the system, which he despises.  In another possible future a global cure for cancer and all diseases is found and they live forever, but maybe not all that happily.  After all, if there is nothing that will kill you, and you are perpetually 25 years old, what is there to live for?  After 500 years (or more), and you have done everything and tried everything, what is left?

I have summarized the book by chapter, since that is how the possible futures are presented, and I have struggled to find the Big Questions in each of them.  The text is well written, and I recommend reading it.  Spoiler Alert:  I tell it like it is, and Cyril and Kay variously live and die in each chapter, depending on how things turn out.  I left out a ton of well written prose, which I really liked, so dive in deep and enjoy what I found to be so great.

But back to the BQ:  Is it, What is our purpose in life?  What is our duty to others?  Does life have a meaning?  Is there a force that directs our lives?  Do we have free choice?  Does true love transcend our lives?  (True love is a theme that weaves itself through the stories and is a warm, wonderful connection that Kay and Cyril grasp from time to time.)  Or perhaps another question?  One that pops out to me is:  Why are our kids such shits!  Or at least Cyril and Kay's kids are.  

If we were to predict our individual futures, what would we predict?  How long will we live?  What sort of quality of life will we have?  Is a poor quality of life worth living?  Would we be better off to pick a date where we still have all our faculties and decide to end it on a high note?  What would we give up?

It is tempting to say that a life lived well and ended at the right time is far better than a life lived only OK and hung onto long past its "used-by date" would be.  Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse!

Big Questions Resumes Tonight!

 Sorry for the late posting, but I wanted to get something in the blog, at least.  After a summer's hiatus, our friendly gathering of philosophical thinkers is starting up again.  2nd and 4th Fridays at 7:00.

There are lots of potential Big Questions in the news these days, so I haven't picked one yet.  We can choose one when we all get together.

Hope to see you there.

The Value of Considering Big Questions

A reader sent me the following message:

The following is why Big ?'s is so valuable to me.

"We are much involved, all of us, with questions about things that matter a good deal today but will be forgotten by this time tomorrow—the immediate where's and when's and how's that face us daily at home and at work—but at the same time we tend to lose track of the questions about things that matter always, life-and-death questions about meaning, purpose, and value. To lose track of such deep questions as these is to risk losing track of who we really are in our own depths and where we are really going.:

Frederick Buechner, b. 1926